According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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