Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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