Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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