I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
