Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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