I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
