I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
