some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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