Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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