Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
