i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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