PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
