i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
