I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize