thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
