Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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