i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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