i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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