between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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