She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
