she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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