I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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