I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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