wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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