if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
