Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
