so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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