I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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