So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
