I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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