we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
