This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm like, not good at living.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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