false alarm. still invincible.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
