My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
