why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
