I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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