I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.