im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.