When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
