I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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