the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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