Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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