Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
