big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
