Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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