weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
