Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
