3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
third nipple confirmed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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