your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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