Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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