There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's never too late to be topless.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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