some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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