Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
