I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
