is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
