i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
