Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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