oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
