You just made me feel so damn special
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
