Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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