I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
