he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
