i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
