so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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