im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
